Inside Tram
Exhausted

I am burned out. I am tired.

*********

Time to take charge of my life. Been allowing external influences to affect me therefore I am due for a transformation. All my experiences and falls have molded me into the person I am today and while I am grateful I am unscathed in a sense, it’s time to heightened my bar of expectations.

Somewhat nervous about seeing the wedding venue tomorrow as I need to be precise in planning otherwise 200+ guests will be affected. I’m all about speed and efficiency so I hope my perfectionism and experience in food operations will assist in executing a smooth setup and end result. That and the few other tasks I have volunteered to help the bride-to-be. This week will be one tiresome week, I can hella predict.

Got to rent my textbook by the end of this week and I need to plan my study schedule. I can’t wait to get back to school! I feel like I have been stuck lately.. feels good to know that I am on the right path for moving forward.

Behold my workout regimen:
- Monday: 1 hr of shoulders and arms plus 1 hr of stairs
- Tuesday: 1 hour of back and shoulders, 4 mile run, and core
- Wednesday: 1 hour of legs plus 6 mile run
- Thursday: 1 hour of shoulders and arms plus 3 mile HIIT
- Friday: 1 hour of stairs plus 1 hour of shoulders and back
- Saturday: 6 mile run
- Sunday: 5 mile run plus an hour of legs

Ok- I need to calculate rest into the mix sometime. I am a person that cannot rest, apparently. I need to change that as it is a bad trait. Sigh.

I need massage.

Like Yourself. Love Yourself. 

Sure eating decadents and deep fried goodness is the absolute comfort for me however, lately I find myself thinking about my health whereas before all I was concerned about was my weight. I have matured a bit - mind over food matters, that is. I’m still a fat girl at heart and a child at heart. I can kick off my heels to play hockey, football, soccer, golf or basketball at anytime. I am competitive. Losing isn’t an option. Yeah, I absolutely dislike losing. Try teaching your kid that it is ok to lose. What a self dilemma. 

I’m conflicted as to what my menu should be next week. Should it be Greek or should it be Japanese? Still sticking to zero to low carbs after breakfast. I love my papaya salad yet deep down I want a 3x3 from In N Out. W/ the buns (I usually order it protein-style), fries, and a milkshake. Hmmmm…. I am salivating. 

Stop. Stop. 

I took measurements of my arms, waist, and legs. Since I am doing more resistance, almost daily, it will be likely that I will be gaining muscle mass but the key is to be leaner. I don’t want to be skinny or just regular Tram. I want to be slender and for random people to say to themselves, “Wow, I know she works out!” I have a long way to go but I mustn’t forget the achievements I did accomplish. I did go from 186lbs to 124lbs in a quarter. Now I am roughly 110lbs-112lbs. Going down to 103 is the goal and I freakin’ will get there. Watch me. 

I can’t sleep…. let’s make a brief list of what I need to get tomorrow as it is pay day! 

- yogurt for Gavin
- apple sauce for Gavin
- baked chips for Gavin
- milk
- wipes
- lipgloss 
- whatever I decide to make
- helmet for Gavin

I cannot wait to partake in the San Jose Bike Party this Friday. I don’t get out much; functions like these will supply consuming of my time and burning of calories. It’s a win-win situation, I tell you. 

Doing things out of the norm is what I am all about now. Next on my list: surfing and kayaking.

Like Yourself. Love Yourself.

Sure eating decadents and deep fried goodness is the absolute comfort for me however, lately I find myself thinking about my health whereas before all I was concerned about was my weight. I have matured a bit - mind over food matters, that is. I’m still a fat girl at heart and a child at heart. I can kick off my heels to play hockey, football, soccer, golf or basketball at anytime. I am competitive. Losing isn’t an option. Yeah, I absolutely dislike losing. Try teaching your kid that it is ok to lose. What a self dilemma.

I’m conflicted as to what my menu should be next week. Should it be Greek or should it be Japanese? Still sticking to zero to low carbs after breakfast. I love my papaya salad yet deep down I want a 3x3 from In N Out. W/ the buns (I usually order it protein-style), fries, and a milkshake. Hmmmm…. I am salivating.

Stop. Stop.

I took measurements of my arms, waist, and legs. Since I am doing more resistance, almost daily, it will be likely that I will be gaining muscle mass but the key is to be leaner. I don’t want to be skinny or just regular Tram. I want to be slender and for random people to say to themselves, “Wow, I know she works out!” I have a long way to go but I mustn’t forget the achievements I did accomplish. I did go from 186lbs to 124lbs in a quarter. Now I am roughly 110lbs-112lbs. Going down to 103 is the goal and I freakin’ will get there. Watch me.

I can’t sleep…. let’s make a brief list of what I need to get tomorrow as it is pay day!

- yogurt for Gavin
- apple sauce for Gavin
- baked chips for Gavin
- milk
- wipes
- lipgloss
- whatever I decide to make
- helmet for Gavin

I cannot wait to partake in the San Jose Bike Party this Friday. I don’t get out much; functions like these will supply consuming of my time and burning of calories. It’s a win-win situation, I tell you.

Doing things out of the norm is what I am all about now. Next on my list: surfing and kayaking.

Cooking vs. Eating Out

I’m not eating out as much since I have more bills now but I can say that I love it. This week’s menu is Thai and I am proud to claim that the dishes came out wonderfully delicious. I spent a little under $35 that will last my kids and I an entire week.

Tram’s Weekday Intake:
- breakfast: 1 boiled egg w/ spinach
- lunch: tamarind tofu papaya salad
- dinner: Thai chicken basil

The benefits of cooking at home is controlling what you put inside your dishes. For me? No salt, no MSG, and the use of healthy oils: EVOO.

I remember when I stuck to my diet for me. I love the way I look and feel when I am under 108lbs. I fail miserably when I start to try to do it for external influences (i.e. an event, a date, etc.). This time, I want to do it for me. I should look my best for me because I have to live w/ me… my mind is on the right track, finally.

Do I miss eating out? Hell yeah. I love going to different restaurants and trying new dishes but eating out just twice a week is not that unbearable. I need to be creative and plan ahead so I can pack before venturing out. This will help me plan effectively and accordingly.

I’m excited for my road trip to see my best friend since 7th grade. I know she will be relocating [again] so I need to make time and hangout w/ her before I won’t get another chance to. No matter how close or far we are and regardless if we don’t really talk often, we always seem to pickup where we left off every time. I am thankful to have her and her entire family in my life.

School starts on August 26th. I will reach out to the professor tomorrow for the syllabus. I need to be able to rent my textbook and get ahead before class officially starts. I have to be ahead and I must ace it. I will cry if I get a “B”. Perfectionism isn’t a healthy trait but… I have no other inputs other than “whatevs”. This is who I am. I need to see how can I utilize my ombudsman experience towards my major because I sincerely enjoy helping others.

Back to square one. I hate dating but at least we both are just dating each other, and not anyone else. I have put him through some emotional paths so what I should do now is continue to focus on myself, try to better myself, by being there for my kids; basically do nothing different other than being there for him and to spend time w/ him whenever time allows it.

Good things comes to those that are patient. He has been extremely patient w/ me. I need to learn this and be patient w/ him. I am a firm believer that things happen for a reason but I strongly believe that if you want something, you must go out and get it. I don’t know what to think about our relationship but for now, I am happy for another shot.

Stronger - Britney Spears

"You might
Think that I can’t take it
But you’re wrong”

I have 2 more months till school starts. I can’t wait. It will be the beginning of a more stressful and busy bee Tram however, the hard work and determination will reward itself in the future, I know it. Gavin sleeps through the night almost 90% of the time so that just means I need to use that time more effectively than browsing the Internet or watching documentaries on Netflix.

Now that I have car payments and a higher monthly payment for my car insurance, eating out like I used to and going to games will be limited instead of constant but having a reliable car is vital. I did make it through w/o a car but boy was it exhausting. Biking 14-16 miles isn’t really that bad but when you add on the weight of Gavin plus the trailer, it amounts to a heavy ass hauling. I went to bed before 8:30 every night during my biking escapades. I know one thing… I did whatever it took to get him to daycare and get to work w/o ever missing a second. For that, I am thankful for this car and now super anal about its cleanliness. Speaking of which I will vacuum Gavin’s side and the trunk tomorrow. Why? Vasona Park had a sandbox.. you get the gist.

Not eating out much means more time in the kitchen. Is that a negatory? Hell no. I love cooking. I have gone Vietnamese for this week’s menu only because the cost of groceries was under $30. The food will last me till at least Friday. I know that both kids love Vietnamese food so that’s a plus. I will miss eating out though…. but making payments on time and/or putting what’s left in my savings is important to me; only you can get yourself out of a mess.

I need to go buy a tent. Next weekend, I want to camp in the backyard w/ both kids. Since it is highly unlikely I will go camping w/ just the kids, I figured to bring the camping to us. I’m thinking s’mores brownies, I’m thinking simple grilled cheese pulled pork sandwiches w/ muenster and goat cheese. I’m also thinking telling stories or reading stories to both kids till they fall asleep. Technology, I cannot live w/o it but having zilch for the night might be therapeutic. We. Shall. See.

New[er] car… 

Lots of reasons to smile. 

I am smitten. 

Hard work pays off big time.

New[er] car…

Lots of reasons to smile.

I am smitten.

Hard work pays off big time.

I thought I was going to sleep at work today. It was stressful only because I have the “I need to shop and compare car prices” in the back of my head otherwise today would have been enjoyable albeit hectic. I love it when I feel like I can’t even run to the restroom - racing against the clock is my speciality however, my boss thinks I am crazy for the self induced joy that seem to have.

I ate healthy today and worked out entirely; cardiovascular and resistance. I feel pretty good about myself. I am looking forward to repeating this feeling until I reach my goal and I know I am just a few pounds shy of my target. I can do it and I goddamn will. The first step is to admit fault and learn from it. I was eating everything. The saying, “no pain, no gain” is so true.

Car shopping is so stressful. I am finally going to look at one tomorrow after work. I don’t know jack about this but Kevin has volunteered to help me. I don’t want to be hasty but at the same time, I cannot wait to finally drive away in a new[er] car. I don’t know the feeling. I’m excited.

I have a date Sunday so I am looking forward to it. I’m not too sure what is on the agenda but I said I can help him w/ chores since he will be back after a 2 week business trip. If we will be out, I will rely on Yelp to point me to the right direction but if we were to stay in, possibly sliders and baked fries? Whatever it may be, it will be good to see him. He came down here (from San Francisco) a few times and have paid for dinner despite me resisting. I hate owing people… but the interest is there and the will is there. The rest? Take it slow and let it take its course.

My bucket list for the next 4 weeks: kayaking, surfing, and biking 30 miles. Can I do it? Hell to the yeah! This year is about me taking charge of my life… I can’t wait to get my car. I can’t wait for work tomorrow. I can’t wait for the 4th of July holiday (day off from work). I can’t wait for school to start.

Always strive.

Tess and Sharkie walking @ Cataldi Park on June 29, 2013. 

As each day passes, I find myself doing whatever it takes to see the light in my kids’ eyes. Whether it’d be cooking their favorite meal, taking them to the park, going to the games, or simply staying in to watch a movie or a game - that spark, that smile; it is simply worth it no matter how much I directly or indirectly complain. 

**********

Lots of obstacles currently and a long journey ahead but I will say that I look forward to it. Work has turned into a self competitive race. I will not stop until I reach the level of production that I see feasible and school, I am going back! I can’t wait. Tess will be in 4th grade, Gavin will hopefully graduate to the “big kids room” at daycare, and I hope to sightsee and experience life as much as I can; surfing, scuba diving, kayaking, and gardening, believe it or not. I want a small herb garden for my life in the kitchen. 

**********
Let’s take on life w/ 110% determination. Eff yes!

Tess and Sharkie walking @ Cataldi Park on June 29, 2013.

As each day passes, I find myself doing whatever it takes to see the light in my kids’ eyes. Whether it’d be cooking their favorite meal, taking them to the park, going to the games, or simply staying in to watch a movie or a game - that spark, that smile; it is simply worth it no matter how much I directly or indirectly complain.

**********

Lots of obstacles currently and a long journey ahead but I will say that I look forward to it. Work has turned into a self competitive race. I will not stop until I reach the level of production that I see feasible and school, I am going back! I can’t wait. Tess will be in 4th grade, Gavin will hopefully graduate to the “big kids room” at daycare, and I hope to sightsee and experience life as much as I can; surfing, scuba diving, kayaking, and gardening, believe it or not. I want a small herb garden for my life in the kitchen.

**********
Let’s take on life w/ 110% determination. Eff yes!

Now 31

For some reason I feel more determined than ever before. I get to pickup my iPad 2 very soon thus will then enroll in an online class; I am searching for a room to rent, I am beginning to love what used to intimidate me: running outside.

I ran today then stopped after each mile to do a set of burpees and walking lunges. I wore my heart rate monitor but did not even bother to stop to measure it. I was sweating and I can feel my heart leaping out of my chest after each breath. ‘Twas awesome. I then finished an Insanity session along w/ 100 burpees, 100 dips, and 100 push-ups. Can I say, productive?

****************

This past weekend I thought I would be drowning myself w/ endless decadent desserts but that didn’t happen. I am growing up.

Anew

I am days away from turning 31. Though a year older however, I have learned quite a bit the last 365 days and I have a lot to look forward to.

Upcoming joys:
- Sharks games
- free cupcakes
- my birthday

I started Insanity and P90X again due to my work schedule and parental responsibilities, going to the gym will be put on the back burner for now. I need to learn to eat healthier and not just that, learn portion control which is a very difficult thing for me to do. I used to be 186lbs for cupcakes’ sakes. I can eat!

Doing the 30 day squat challenge and 100 burpees quest now. Though I would rather be in bed, I am über glad I worked out, stuck to the routine, and now blogging about it. I am getting older which means my metabolism will start to slow down and summer is coming up so that means looking hot is mandatory.

Note: Just do it!